Moving forward

I found this photo on Tumblr, how cool is it? I wish I had a source...

I quit the barn I was volunteering at. It was just.. too much for me. I absolutely hate that I even typed those words out, but it's true. It just wasn't working out... I could go into major details, but i'll refrain. I wasn't getting out of it what I wanted too, and I was just getting more and more stressed. So I left.

& now I feel lost.

I need to find lessons, and I want lessons that will eventually take me into cutting. I'm willing to pay, but I am in no means rich, at all and at the moment I don't have a lot of income flowing into the 'ol bank account. I'm willing to work for lessons, but as of right now i'm pretty down on myself. I am a hard worker, and I'm loyal to people, i'm not a flake, but I feel as if the owner at my old barn thought I wasn't doing that good of a job... so that worries me, I don't want to end up trading labour at another barn and not living up to their expectations either. I've always lived up to people's expectations, so this is a newfound, and VERY scary fear for me. Plus, I want to be working for lessons, not working and sometimes getting lessons.

Goal #1 is my riding, and I guess I just need to centre myself and remember how much I love horses, and that I want this to be my path in life.

I guess you could say I'm a little shaken up at the moment over everything... sigh.. just keep breathing.