Wednesday, February 29, 2012

92 days

I was grabbing coffee with two friends yesterday and the subject of boys came up. We were talking about how often when distance occurs for a long period of time it can be hard to keep the spark. Even more than the spark, often, we all found, you begin to see flaws you didn't see in that person, you begin to remember moments differently - you begin, to almost, dislike them. Which is ironic and awful and terrible because in the beginning, you had true feelings for them. Such is life.

Then, today, I was being nostalgic and thinking about you, my boy. As always. If my plan goes through I would like to "lease" you once you are home from winter pasture. You are home in 92 days. Distance has not made me think any less of you. In fact, it makes me miss all your quirks and issues even more. Distance has caused me to spend endless hours on forums, and reading articles, and looking up training tools and techniques that may aid in you becoming the horse I dream of you being. Distance has caused me to buy you things, things you don't really need, and plan to buy you more things, again - items that are probably much too expensive, and realistically very silly, and the fact is I don't even own you.

But I love you. So, I rationalize.

If anything, distance has made me entirely crazy, but it has also made me love you more.

& with all this distance, and planning, and thinking of you, I come to really worry about my plans. I worry in an almost obsessive manner, and it has made me tired. Distance has been very hard indeed, but I don't love you any less than I did the last day I saw you.

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