So, sometimes when i'm really struggling with things I have this tendency to revert back to summer, and dream about camp, and the ease and flow that just occurs out there. I'm struggling with the barn I work at, I don't think it's a very good place for me, and that's really disappointing and I don't know what to do about it. I worry that if I leave I wont be able to find somewhere that I can work but also get lessons, and that the owner of the barn i'm at now will basically black-list me... we'll see, I have a lot to think about.
Anyways, since I'm in a very weird emotional place with my current horse situation I, of course, am dreaming about summer. I grabbed my journal (which has 2 entries in it - haha) from this summer, and re-read my "most memorable moments" entry and thought I should share them here. Then maybe I can look back to them every once and awhile and remember why I love horses so much, and why this is the path I do want to take in life. Sometimes it's hard to keep that mindset in this big, bad world.
Typed straight from the journal...
Heading out to bring in the string!
1) Being out here chasing horses. It continually amazes me how silent and still the bands of horses can be. it also stuns me the things a horse will do for you when you ask of it - running down hills, galloping through trees, turning an entire herd, etc.
Meg taking shelter in the shed during a summer-storm.
2) The aura of the red barn and the shed; A moment that made me smile this year was after a ride-struggle with Jingle, Sandy told me, "a horse that comes out of the red barn comes out a riding leader horse, a horse from the shed comes out a dude string horse", apparently that was Jingle's problem! ... I doubt it, but it made me laugh.
How is it possible to miss something as much as I've miss you since our last ride this summer my boy? I love you, I will forever.
3) Jingle, the horse who deserves his own journal. there is something about him, how he can seem wild and unruly but also soft that makes me love him so much. I hope to one day look back on this and have the satisfaction to know he became a well trained, exceptional, horse.
Fizz, on the right, with her old-timer beet pulp buddy - Tad.
4) The moment Fizz colic'd and I thought we were going to lose her. After pulling through and monitoring her diet I love how her ribs have dissappeared from her sides and how her entire face is coated with Beet Pulp 3 times a day.
This isn't Box Canyon, no pictures unfortunately, but just look at that view! Makes you wanna go, "ahhhhhhhhh..." hey?
5) I rode with Steve week one and asked him, "take me somewhere i've never been", he took us to Box Canyon (through an old barbed wire fence that we maaaay have cut down) which is a slight death climb but worth it when you reach the meadow look-out, so beautiful.
A couple of my kids enjoying the view...
6) A camper memory; A not confident rider's first lope = "omg i'm dying, this is so fun, stop!, i love this, slow down, faster!, AHHHHHHHHHH". That was what she screamed at me as we loped for about 15 seconds at the end of Slashfoot's field.
Do we look "western" enough for you?
7) Quad rides! "This might get a little western" & "You don't seem like the timid type"
Saying goodbye to the herd after another summer...
8) "Scamp" the horse (Scram) and the endless laughter that ensued from one particular little rider
Can't give it up.
9) "Slashfoot does not drive a semi-truck", scary stories in the dorm vs. Jon singing the legends
How could you ever give something like that up?
10) all the amazing nights on the deck - the "starry night" sky and the northern lights.
.. Yes, that is me kissing a buffalo head.
11) Wednesday's at the saloon!
12) The horses that carried me through, my favourite - the amazing, incorrigible Jed. The insanely fast Mel. The mareish, silly Siss. Big, beautiful & rough Navy and my boy, always, Jingle.
This was my first "baby"; this picture does him no justice.
13) When Coltan high-centered himself on the fence and his big brown eyes kept looking at me like, "why?" and the resulting calm he had as he laid his head on my chest and Richard put his first set of shoes on after the entire incident.
Quick shot of said bridle.
14) When Tiffany gave me my bridle, everything that meant to me.
leaving for CP!
15) The craziness of CP - the caves, the dancing, the war wounds my legs succumbed too, the river, heart creek, everything. So amazing.
& then... after typing all of these out I came to the last paragraph I wrote 5 months ago...
"Coming out of [summer] I was a bit panicky - no horse prospects to ride, no real job, but I just have this sense things are going to work out."... and they will.
I am so heart-sick to go home. sigh.